A chance to think

Today has been the first day back we could be ourselves in our house, the unpacking, laundry (which I'm still getting through by the way)  and settling us all back in after 2 weeks away has been stressful, like it always is..

I did some food shopping, which looks like it's getting more expensive..either that or I'm buying more inane crap..

A chance to do some baking, I really don't think I'd love it as much as I do if it wasn't for the 2 very important women in my life, they both taught me so much & cooking is a lot like therapy in a way, you have to focus on what your preparing & creating, which for me anyway pushes me to analyse those thoughts and sometimes forget them.

I made Tomato & Cheese Muffins, for one reason only really, because I wanted to see If A would try something new, in the form of a muffin/cake.

I'll find out tomorrow anyhow!

Before I said we were both in a place where we wanted it to stay the 3 of us for a little while, & I did, but we've changed our minds.. why?

On our little holiday we had a great time, but I'd catch myself looking at the boys & struggling to keep back the feeling of "someone's missing" I find myself also dreaming about being pregnant, and remembering my pregnancy with A, I've never wanted A to be an only child, this world is such a cruel place, friends come and go, & in my own experience relatives can be even more so, a sibling is always there for you, whether your best friends like some or siblings that barely talk, like my sibling and I, but the one constant thing remains, no matter what, you'll have one another, through thick and thin, there to pick up the pieces when a terrible relationship finally breaks down, when your laughing so hard about a funny childhood memory & walking hand in hand on your wedding day.. I want A to have that.

So we're trying again, in the hopes we'll be lucky this year.

Tomorrow we're off to collect a piece of furniture, I'm very lucky Dean said yes & then Sunday I'm off to somewhere even more exciting! But you'll have to stay tuned for that :)